Mom to Alyssa Marie Sams
April 30th, 2003
On April 30, 2003, I lost my precious baby girl, Alyssa. Ever since I was a little girl, I have wanted babies.
My baby's father was younger than I and had a terrible temper. We were walking through a Department Store one night, and jokingly I tapped him on the leg. He turned around and punched me in the stomach as hard as he could.
A few weeks later is when I lost my child. I know everyone says to forgive and forget, but I can't. I desired to have that baby for years, I still do.
It has been over 7 years now, but the pain is still fresh, the wound is deep, my heart is still broken.
I am married now to the love of my life, someone I went to church with when I was 4+.
We ran back into each other and have been together since.
He claims her as his. He writes letters to her, and it means the world to me. We send balloons to her. This is hard, trying to type with tears in my eyes.
After all this time, I still haven't been able to conceive. I've went to many doctors, and had tests run, and everything is fine. I always hoped for another chance. I still do.
It feels as if part of my life is missing.
I do know that she's resting in Jesus' arms. That comforts me a little.
To hold her and hear her giggle and say mommy I love you will never happen. I may never hear it at all.
I really despise it when people say something about, "you don't know, you're not a mom". If they only knew the pain that we go through. God help us all.
It will never end, but He gives us peace when we accept.
I just wish I could tell her how much I love her, and I miss her so terribly. My life will never be complete without her.
I know she's gorgeous, sitting on Papa's knee, singing with the Angels.
Alyssa, I love you, Baby Girl. So very much. I will hold you some sweet day. I think of you every day, there's no way I couldn't. Xoxo~Mommy.
You can contact Chrystie at firstname.lastname@example.org