Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Anne

Mom to Tristan Jerome

Born May 9th, 2010

Grew Wings May 20th, 2010

My story start in December of 2009 when on Christmas day I took a home pregnancy test and to my husband's and my joy we were pregnant.  I went off the pill in August.  We were so thrilled!  In January we got confirmation from my OB that we had alittle bean on the way.  

 During a battery of tests I found out I was diabetic, but that could easily be controlled by diiet change and medication.  At 12 weeks we saw our first glimpse of our child, so beautful that's all I could say. We had a first trimester screening and everything was great.   My OB in town suggested we go see a perintologst out of town because of besides the diabetes I have high blood pressure and  was 36, high risk.  

We went to see him for a consultation and our gender ultrasound and fetal echo were scheduled.   The gender u/s was at 20 weeks, that went great!!  Everything was perfect with our baby.  We found out on that day in April that Tristan Jayden Miech was doing well!!  

Then on May 6th, which was 24 weeks we went to our Fetal echo appointment in high sprits because we were going to see our son!  The ultrasound started like any other, except we didn't get any pictures, which I thought was weird, but didn't think much of it.  The tech seemed to be looking at a few places over and over.  Then it was into the doctor's office to go over the results.  We went in for what we thought was going to be good news.  

The perintoloigist said something along they lines of its, notgood.  I said "oh oh"  and we got the news.  Our son hadn't grown since the last ultrasound because for some reason the blood from the umbilical cord was not flowing correctly, our son was lacking oxygen.  I was freaking out, a friend of mine had just lost her daughter a week before at 23 weeks.   The Dr.  said the only treatment was putting me in the hospital on oxygen to see if that would do anything.  I was a wreck, my life was just unraveling.  We couldn't even go home to get anything, we were an hour from home.  

Within moments I was wheeled into a room and put in bed, hooked up to a heart monitor for baby and oxygen mask on, and there I was to be until our son was born.  There were many drs that came in to discuss things, my husband made all the phone calls to my family.   I was told we were going to do daily u/s to see how everything was going.  The first day was a Thursday.  Friday passed, no difference.  On Saturday it looked like the oxygen therapy was doing well.  I was told that my baby might be better on the outside, and that would be decided by him, or my body.  

Sunday, Mother's day 2010 we had our usual u/s and this time the Dr saw the blood flow started to reverse.  Tristan had to be on the outside.  I was prepped for a c-section.  My husband called my parents who were in church at the time to tell them what was going on.  They arrived right before I was wheeled in.  I was given an epidural and cut into to deliver our son.  My husband was in the OR with me.  Soon I heard "Dad do you want to see your son?"  Then in seconds he was whisked away to the NICU.  In the OR I asked my husband i we could change his middle name to Jerome.  Jerome was my grandfather's name and May 9th was also his birthday.  

So 11:39 am on May 9th Tristan Jerome Miech came into this world weighing 14.46 ounces and 10 inches long.  He was 24 weeks and 3 days gestation.  I didn't get to see him right away because I was numb from the waist down.  Finally I was able tosee my little boy.  He was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life!   I couldn't believe what just happened.  We were told the odds were against him, but we were positive and our little guy kept hanging on.  He would have good days and not so good days.  He kept fighting!   He had one major hurtle to cross and that was his bowels to start moving.  We prayed for him to poop.  

The Thursday after he was born I was realeased from the hospital.  They had a "hotel" like place there  and we stayed there for a few days before going home.  We went home on  Saturday evening, one of his drstold us we needed to go home, and they were a phone call away.  Daily we called at least 3 times.  he seemed to be fighting still.  

Then on May 20th the NICU called and said we had to get there ASAP, because it wasn't looking good.  My hubby called my parents and we were all off to the hospital, an hour away.  On the way we got aflat tire, the NICU called twice, to ask when we were going to be there.  My parents were a little ahead of us, they picked us up and we flew to the NICU.  Our son looked more helpless than usual.  They called the chaplin, luckily when Tristan was a day old he was baptized.  We were told how bad he was and a decision had to be made.  I looked at my MOm and said "I know what to do"  She knew exactly what I was thinking.  My son couldn't suffer anymore.  

I held my son for the first and last time May 20, 2010.  He was alive when I held him at first.  I kissed him and held him close, and just looked at the beautiful being in my arms.  Then the NICU dr asked if  I wanted to see his face, he was on respirators so we never saw his whole face.   The took his tube out, and within 2 minutes he went to heaven, in my arms.  I feel so blessed I got to hold him.  I got to hold him for a while, my Mom held him, after he passed, and so did my husband and Dad.   That day I made the easiest, hardest decision of my life.  I hope I never have to make that decision ever again.  To this day we miss our son terribly and I thank God for the short time I had with him.  I often ask "why Lord why"  Why did I have to be that 1 in 4.  there were like 5 of us pregnant at work, why me?   I just pray that we are blessed with another chance for a child, just one!  I miss him, and what he would have been like, or done with his life.  Rest in peace little man!

You can contact Anne at annechef@live.com