Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Shali

Mom to twin daughters, Skylar Kerrie

and Sierra Rose

Born sleeping on November 23rd ,2006 at 20 weeks

Colcord, Oklahoma

My name is Shali. On November 23, 2006, I was 20 weeks pregnant with twin girls. I was having a routine appointment and had brought my boyfriend, and younger brother and sister with me to see the girls on the ultrasound.


My OB/GYN came in and started the ultrasound, He wasn't talking much and I could tell something was wrong when he set me up and told me that I needed to go across the street to the hospital and have a radiology tech take a look..I was already in tears..My brother and sister were confused and I called my mom to come get them. I had the radiology done and when the tech left the room, I knew. The hospital sent me back to my OB/GYN,at this time several of my family members were there.

My doctor took me to a room and explained that there was no heartbeat, for either of the girls, the cord had a knot in it.


I was crushed. I felt like it was my fault and that I had done something wrong. I was given the choice to have a D&C done or to be induced and have them. I chose to be induced. The doctor and nurses kept me very sedated and drugged most of the time. I don't even remember actually pushing. I have a few pictures of Skylar and Sierra. I know that I held them. I just don't remember.

I sometimes wish that I hadn't wanted to be so "out of it" on the medications, then maybe I would remember more. Neither of them weighed a pound (Skylar was 250 grams and Sierra was 300grams). It was hard to look back and see how tiny the actually were. We had a graveside memorial for Skylar and Sierra, they had a beautiful white casket with pink roses and pink satin. I was planning on doing their nursery in "Care Bears", So at the funeral we had stuffed Care Bears everywhere. It was beautiful.

I still have the dried flowers, stuffed animals, cards, even a special blanket that was made for them. I didn't start to cope with the loss until my mom helped me put together a memory/scrap book for them. I still miss them everyday, I know that they are looking down on me and their little brother everyday.

Shali can be contacted at shali_brianne@yahoo.com