Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Mom to Owen Gregory
May 28th, 2005-June 8th, 2005
Maple Grove, MN

Owen Gregory was born May 28th 2005 at 8:20AM.  He was 28 weeks, weighing 2 lbs. 1 oz. and was 13 inches long.   Owen was our first child and we were so excited when we found out we were pregnant with him.  He was a joyful surprise and I didn’t realize I was pregnant until 13 weeks.  

We had a level II u/s at 20 weeks and we were told our baby boy looked perfect.  We were relieved to hear he was growing as he should (I have lupus which is why I would have multiple level II u/s during pregnancy as a precaution).   It was after this that we started buying things and making plans for his room.  We were having so much fun!

At 27 weeks I went in for a repeat level II u/s just to make sure Owen was still growing as he should, I remember feeling excited and hoping we’d get more pictures of him, we weren’t really too nervous this time around because he was perfect at 20 weeks why wouldn’t he still be perfect?  Once in the room with the tech our excitement quickly turned to worry – I had very little amniotic fluid and Owen was about two weeks behind in his growth.  The doctor came in and couldn’t give a reason but wanted me to go home lay on the couch, drink a ton of water and come back the following day for another u/s. 

I did just as I was told and went back the next day only to find out nothing had improved.  I was immediately admitted into the hospital where the plan was for me to remain on bed rest in the hospital for as long as I could – we were hoping 3 months.

I was in the hospital for one week when Owen became distressed and it was decided he had a better chance outside of me than in, still no reason for why this was happening.  Maybe something to do with my Lupus, but no one was sure.  

Owen was born via c/s on Saturday, May 28th.  He was small but looked perfect.  He was instantly taken to the NICU and had a breathing tube.  His blood count was a little off but no one seemed to be too worried about it.  The next night he was doing so well that they took the breathing tube out – our little fighter wanted to do it on his own!  We knew we had a long journey and Owen would be in the hospital for awhile but we were feeling confident that he would make it.

Within a couple days our whole world turned upside down – Owens’ blood counts couldn’t regulate and he was having multiple platelet transfusions, as they dug deeper into the cause of this they found out he had an arteriovenous malformation in his liver, which was not ‘fixable.’  Because of this, his little heart had to pump the same blood 3-4 times to get it past his liver, which was also eating up all his platelets.  His heart and spleen were enlarged and his kidneys were shutting down.  He was getting puffy and was in pain due to his organs shutting down.  I never wanted my baby boy to be in pain and the doctor’s told us there was nothing they could do.  I was never able to feed or bathe my son – I only held him a couple times but if I was going to do one thing as his mother is was to make sure he did not live in pain.  

My husband and I decided on June 8th, 2005 that is was time to let our little boy go.  We took him off of life support and held him while he passed away.  It only took about 20 minutes which confirmed that indeed it was the machines keeping him alive.  No one should ever have to make that decision about a child, it was the hardest day of our life and one I will never forget.  

Life felt very unfair at this point.

We held a private graveside service for our angel, we got him a beautiful headstone, made a memory box of his things and while never forgetting tried to move on with our lives.  

Owen will always be my first son and my first little boy – I love him so much and think about him often.  I’ll never truly understand why he was needed in heaven more than here on earth but I do know that he was my son, a fighter and is looking down at us from his perch with God.  Following is a poem I wrote for Owen after he passed and we now have it printed and framed hanging in our hallway.  It sums it up perfectly.

You’ll always be my little boy,
forever in my heart.
I can’t believe the love I felt,
from the very start.
Knowing you were inside of me,
brought joy each and every day.
I knew I’d never been happier,
there wasn’t any possible way.
I thought of how you were growing,
and who you would look like.
Then daydreamed of the day,
we’d teach you to ride a bike.
Your daddy was so excited,
he loved to feel you kick.
He knew putting his ear on my tummy,
would certainly do the trick.
We had it all planned out,
your room and what you’d wear.
Even down to where we would sit,
in your rocking chair.
You came a little early,
but we thought that was ok.
The first time that I saw you,
I never wanted to look away.
I fell in love all over again,
on that wonderful day.
You were beautiful and perfect,
in each and every way.
Mom and Dad were by your side,
as much as we could be.
And when we weren’t your daddy tried,
really hard to comfort me.
We loved to see your big blue eyes,
and the way you’d kick and squirm.
You didn’t like a wet diaper,
is one thing we would learn.
Although you were our perfect boy,
something wasn’t right.
All of a sudden our whole world turned,
almost overnight.
The thought of losing you,
we felt too much to bear.
Who would take our precious boy,
life was so unfair.
When you began to suffer,
our love grew even more.
Mom wanted you to be comfy,
it was time for your soul to soar.
You’ll always be our perfect boy,
and we wish that you were here.
But we know you’re with our God above,
and that helps ease our fear.
Owen please remember,
how proud we are of you.
And what we will tell people,
is that you were our perfect little boy too.

You can contact Sarah at Jsprice28@yahoo.com


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