Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Mom to BG 2 1/2
Miscarried at 6 weeks on September 15th, 2008
Rochester, NY

It’s taken me a while to write my story of loss.  Sometimes I feel as though my loss isn’t as painful as someone else’s or that because I have 3 healthy children I should be happy and forget what happened.  But, my heart hurts when I think about my baby that isn’t here, even though it was an early loss and I have 3 little ones here to love on.  I realized that losing a baby is difficult and painful, no matter how or when it occurs.  I share my story because I lost a baby and my world was changed because of it.
My husband and I were married for 2 years before we decided to have a baby.  Our son was born in April 2004 and our daughter was born in April 2006.  We were blessed to conceive right away and had fairly uneventful pregnancies, something I never took for granted.  In the summer of 2008 we wanted to try for our 3rd little one.  I loved having my 1st two babies in the spring and we were hoping for another one then too.  On September 3rd we found that we were pregnant and due in May just as we had hoped.  We were so excited and shared the news with our kids and our extended families right away.  For 11 days we loved on and planned for this little one.

In the late afternoon of September 14th, I went to the bathroom and noticed blood.  My heart dropped and I just knew something wasn’t right.  I had bled at 19 weeks with my son, but this was different.  I called my doctors office crying.  There was nothing they could do, but they would see me the next morning.  After an agonizing night, I saw my doctor and it was confirmed I was suffering a miscarriage.  I was devastated.  My world was turned upside down, my innocence was gone; fear flooded in.  I felt so alone.  No one knew what to say or what to do.  No one knew how much pain I was in.  No one I knew understood.  It was a very lonely time.  I knew God had a plan, but I was having a hard time seeing it. 

We began trying to conceive as soon as we could.  It was such a hard time.  I didn’t want to TRY TO get pregnant again; I wanted to STILL BE pregnant.  I was sad and angry.  Thankfully, we were able to conceive soon after and on November 13th found out we were expecting again.  Our baby girl joined our family on July 16, 2009.  Every time I look at her I am so thankful that we have her in our lives.   She is our joy and our hope.

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