Monday, September 13, 2010

Mom to Abigail Marie
April 29th, 2009-May 28th, 2009
Lompoc, CA

My story is one so simple, yet so complicated. I had a great pregnancy, I gained a little bit of weight, I was able to work the whole pregnancy. The doctors said everything was great and that we would have to do a C-section because my baby girl was breach, which was fine with me--no pain and I all I had to do was lay there! 

Well everything seemed to go great with the C-Section. The doctor was telling us what he was doing when he was doing it, "Okay Jenn you are going to feel a little pressure and than your baby will be out." Well I felt the pressure but didn't hear a cry or anything. So I told my husband to look over there and see what was happening. He stayed put and didn't look because he knew what was happening and didn't want to tell me. A couple minutes went by and people had come in and left the room, then I heard a little cry, so small, and after that I was expecting them to bring me over my baby to see, but that was not the case. I saw her roll by in an incubator. And when I asked what was wrong they just told me there were some problems and not to worry about them, they had it under control. Or that might have been what they said; I was so freaking out at that point I have no idea what they said exactly. 

I got out of recovery and went to see my baby girl. There she was, so small, 6 pounds 7 ounces with all these tubes, and the nurse told me she has a really bad case of spina bifida and a cleft lip (not palate just lip). And I freak out. I had two 3D ultrasounds, I had many ultrasounds at the doctors and they didn't see this? On top of her spine problems, she was having a hard time breathing and she had to be mediflighted to LA, to Cedar Sinai hospital and have emergancy back surgery. At 23 hours old my baby Abigail had back surgery and I couldn't even be there with her for I was in Lompoc, recovering from my C-Section. They wouldn't let me leave but my husband went down there to be with her. 

She came out of surgery with flying colors and was thriving in the hospital. After two days I was able to finally see my baby girl, my little cupcake. She had all these tubes coming out of her and she had to stay on her tummy. I could not hold her, all I could do was hold her little hand and tell her she was so great and that I loved her, and if she could hang on and get better I would be so greatful. 

Abigail had the worst type of spina bifida, where her spine didn't grow all the way and stuck out of her back. We were told she would not walk but she was doing great, all her tubes were gone by a week, and I could hold her and kiss her and in that moment I could care less if she walked or not as long as she lived. 

Abigail was amazing, she exceeded all the doctors expectations and peed on her own, ate from a bottle and I was able to breastfeed her, she was so amazing. After two weeks we were able to bring her home from the NICU. She was prefect. She slept in bed with us because she wouldn't sleep in her crib which was fine with my husband and me. We were happy to share with our miracle baby. Abigail got sick almost two weeks after we brought her home. Babies with spina bifida are prone to infection. It started that she wasn't pooping and then not eating and then she had a hard time breathing. We raced her to the ER where they started working on her. She stopped breathing but they got her back. I was praying so hard, let my baby girl live, please, please. They took some Xrays and an MRI and she was about to be mediflighted back to Cedar when the doctor came up to us and told us she was not breathing on her own and the infection had started to shut down he organs one by one and it had moved to her brain and there was nothing they could do. If we would like to say our goodbyes we could. 

We went into the room, it was me, my husband, a priest and my baby girl. I held her as she took her last breath, and as the priest said a prayer for her she lay in my arms looking up at me with peace and I knew she was gone. I was sad, but knew that she was in a better place and not hurting. 


Anonymous said...

I love you Jennifer Nicole you are a strong an wonderful women. And I know your little cupcake loves you very much.

Aunty B

Anonymous said...

saying my prayers for you....thank you for sharing your story...xoxo

Laura said...

What different yet similar - strikingly so - stories. My Gwen was doing so well too... oh so similar...I noticed just a few odd things but she didn't have a temperature. A virus took her before we could say boo and we weren't even in the hospital with her when it happened. I'm too behind in life now...but I'll be on your blog next chance I get and I'd like to get to know you and compare notes some... I'm sorry to meet you here...but thank you for sharing.

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