Sunday, August 8, 2010

Mother of Sylvie
Born and lost on July 9, 2010
New York, NY

We had been trying for nearly a year when I saw that positive pregnancy test. I had spotting in the first trimester and we worried about having a miscarriage, but our little bean grew and grew. Since I  am a carrier of Fragile X and have a small chance of passing it down, we had a CVS done at 12 weeks. We found out to our delight that we were carrying a girl and that she was completely healthy. After that 3 month mark, we finally shared our happy news with our extended families, the rest of our friends, and our coworkers. My belly grew and we started planning for our little girl.

Then at 18 weeks, I started spotting. My doctor, competent and careful, saw me several times and checked everything - my cervix, the placenta location, how the baby was doing. Everything was fine. We were told that some women just bleed during pregnancy. Then at 20 weeks, my water broke in the middle of the night. At first, I hoped it was just some weird discharge, but I suspected it might be amniotic fluid. I thought, because of what I read in my pregnancy book, that this would mean that I might be on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy. I did not think this meant the end.

We went to the hospital and they told me that my water had indeed broke. They told me there was between a 20-50% chance it would reseal, but that there was a high risk for infection. They said they would have to induce if it did not reseal. We said we wanted to wait as long as possible. Thinking that I’m young and healthy, I had hope that I would be in the lucky minority. We had an ultrasound done which showed the baby was moving around and had a heartbeat, but that there was little fluid. Then the nurse took my vitals. There were tears in her eyes when she told me that I had a fever. I also had a fast pulse and the baby’s heartbeat was fast. They said these were all signs of infection and we could not wait. I asked if there was any way, just to see (thinking maybe I had a fever because it was hot out and a fast pulse since I was nervous), but they said there was no way the baby could survive.

We delivered our beautiful daughter the next morning, but she was not alive. I was in labor for about 6 hours and it was very painful. I had been told by women with children that labor is not fun, but then you get a baby. Well, we didn’t. We did get to see her and hold her. She looked perfect.

I am very grateful for time I had with little Sylvie. No matter what happens in the future, I will always miss her.


Ausmerican Housewife - Creating with Kara Davies said...

Oh honey, I am so sorry for you. There's nothing in the world that prepares you for leaving the hospital without your baby in your arms. Sylive sounds like she was a beautiful baby. Thoughts and prayers go out to you as you hit the one month mark of Sylive's birth and heaven-date. (Sounds *so* much better than "death-date".)

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. My husband and I lost our son @ 16 weeks gestation on July 8th, 2010.. IF you are up to it, email me sometime.

Anonymous said...

I went through almost exactly what you did. My water broke at 15 weeks, and I was admitted to the hospital and put on IV antibiotics to fight infection. I went into labor at 16 weeks and delvered a boy. His heart was strong up until the last day, but the doctors said that there was no hope.
It is very likely that a bacteria called Listeria caused my water to break. Maybe this is the same for you? It comes from eating lunch meat and certain other foods.
I feel so alone sometimes, and I'm sure you do too. Hang in there.

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