Friday, August 20, 2010

Mom to Angel Baby Jordan Jared
April 2009
Detroit, MI

In April 2009, I was 36, child-free and very in love with my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years, Jared. On April 9th the stick turned blue and my world came into focus!  I was elated--terrified, but elated! My first pregnancy, first baby, nothing prepared me for that feeling!! The nurse put me at 8 weeks with a due date of November 23rd and set-up my OB appointmentts. I started with plans for that pale yellow room, trimmed in lavender- the perfect nursery. Started thinking I'm going to gain about 25 pounds this year and for the first time ever, I didn't care! 
I got out of bed bleeding one day, scared went to the bathroom and came out crying. I just knew something was wrong. J held and comforted me, said it would be fine. It wasn't.  On my second visit, 2 weeks later, she said the baby was gone.  I was even less prepared for that feeling.  I had built an entire life for him in just 2 weeks. Now, enjoying the 7 months preparing for my baby, looking forward to his Thanksgiving time arrival, no beautiful new baby boy at Christmas. The bottom dropped out.
After weeks/months of depression, I found other moms of angels online and started a blog.  It really was just for me but led me to finding Faces of Loss, Remembering Our Babies and many other great groups of resilient ladies. Thanks so much for telling our stories, for sharing our pain, for giving us not only a voice, but a face and a place!  

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