Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Melissa
Mom to Calypso Paikea Rhyder Lane
June 14th, 2007-July 7th, 2007
Martinsville, IN

My early pregnancy with Calypso I had problems with bleeding but that all passed by 14 weeks and we were going good. At 18 weeks I had a scan and the nurse wouldn't let us see the u/s screen and told me she needed to get the doctor.

He came in and told me the baby had almost no fluid and that I was at high risk for Stillbirth. But because we were before 24 weeks there was nothing they could do but send me home and I'd come back 2 weeks later for another scan because maybe the baby just needed to pee.

Two weeks later it was the same, and there was something wrong with the placenta and I needed to see a Specialist at IU Hospital in Indianapolis. I saw him at, I think, 21 weeks. He told me he thought she had enough fluid to last 2 weeks until the next ultrasound.

On May 2 I woke up and was bleeding rather heavily. My pants were ruined and the bed had blood smeared on it. Called 911, got transferred to the hospital. Calypso was ok but my placenta was pulling away from the uterine wall.

I was 23 weeks 5 days. And started my long hospital stay. On June 14, 2007 at 29 weeks 5 days Calypso was born. She was 3 lbs 1.9oz and 13" long. She was beautiful! So dang pretty. They got her stabilized and moved her to Riley Children's Hospital.

She had problems peeing and they thought she had a blockage but every thing was ok in that regard (we later found out from her medical notes that she had decreased kidney function that would have been taken care of with dialysis had she not gotten ill).

On June 23rd they made a diagnosis of NEC. NEC is Necrotizing Enterocolitis. It's an infection that kills the lining of the intestines and renders them dead tissue. NEC has no known cause but there are often outbreaks of it in the NICU. The NEC spread to Calypso's kidneys and killed off the rest of the function. And doing dialysis with a baby with NEC is impossible.

She swelled up so damn bad. She hurt and she was in pain. On July 7, the NICU called us. She was doing so bad and they wanted us there to discuss the next course of action. They told us we could try and put a tube in her chest and drain the fluid (and inflate her lung that had collapsed) but that probably wouldn't work.... Or we could let her go. The day before I'd prayed and told God that if she hurt to take her home. So we took her off the vent. I held her and they baptized her before taking her off.

She died at 3:50 PM on July 7, 2007. 50 minutes after the vent was removed and 23 days after birth. She was beautiful even with all her swelling and I miss her so so badly.

It's been three years since we said goodbye and I'm still waiting for it to get easier. I've decided it doesn't get easier but we learn to adapt and live with it better. Calypso was my last child and will always be my baby.

E kore te aroha
E maroke I te rā

Mākūkū tonu I
Aku roimata e

Melissa blogs at http://calypso-lane.last-memories.com/
You can contact her at andromedarayne@gmail.com