Sunday, July 18, 2010

Mom to Jackson and Jayden
Born sleeping on April 21st, 2010 at 27 weeks
ON, Canada

The day after Halloween we found out we were expecting our 4th baby. We were so excited you could see my smile miles away. I have 3 healthy girls. I had an early ultrasound and the tech whispered to me there is 2. I just started laughing with joy. At our 17 weeks ultrasound we found out that baby A was a girl and Baby B was a boy. I loved that we were having twins. I could not wait until the day we could bring them home to meet their sisters.

My pregnancy with the twins was a good pregnancy, no complications. I had 8 ultrasounds, we would watch Jayden kicking her brother and we would laugh, poor Jackson would be hiding his face. On April 20, 2010 I had gone to the hospital. I just was not feeling well and had been vomiting everything I ate. They did another ultrasound and the babies were perfect, they scored 8/8, they ran some tests and that all came back normal. They hooked me up to a IV for fluid because I had keytones in my urine and kept me overnight.

The next morning at 5 am I was bleeding and at 11 am I had another ultrasound, the ultrasound I will never forget. As I was laying on the bed while the tech was doing the test my family was in the room. I could feel everyone watching me, I was staring at the wall. I did not want to look at the screen. I happen to look at the ultrasound tech. She looked at the doctor and shook her head no. She looked at me and said "sorry." I looked at the Doctor and said what does she mean sorry? Sorry for What? The Doctor left the room I think to pull himself together, I just started yelling “ SORRY” I looked at my Mom and my Aunt “Sorry why are they saying sorry”??

The Doctor walked back in with the nurse and said your babies have died. I yelled at him NO Please don’t say that Please Don’t. My husband walked in the room, he was gone to take our girls to their Poppy’s for the day, he saw me crying I could not tell him that the babies were gone, I did not want to break his heart. I could not look at him. The Doctor told him and we just held each other. The Doctor was explaining our options of a c-section or to deliver them. I wanted a c-section. I did not think I could handle delivering them. After talking with my family we then decided to induce labour and deliver them. They broke my water and had me on pitocin. My labour started within half hour. They called for a epi for the pain. My family was asked to leave the room while I had the epi put in.

Before my family could come back in the room I said to the nurse I have to push she looked and my baby girl was almost delivered. The nurse called for the OB, while my family was waiting outside my door all they saw was the OB and 5 nurses running down the hallway to my room. Jayden was born sleeping at 2:52 pm. My husband walked in and held his baby girl and was kissing her and telling her how brave she was. I still had one my baby to deliver, My first son. I asked the Doctor to wait until my epi was working before he broke my other bag of water. 20 mins later he broke my water. My family was in my room holding Jayden and telling me how beautiful she was. I still did not have the strength to hold her. My OB that I have had for years ( he was not on call while I was in the hospital) walked in my room and just started crying with me. He held Jayden kissed her and said a prayer.

My family left the room to go get some coffee. As I was talking with my OB the Doctor and nurse walked in and checked me. Jackson was ready to join his sister. My OB held my hand while I pushed. Jackson was born sleeping at 4:04pm. Jackson weighed 2.8 pounds and Jayden was 2.4 pounds. All evening we held them, took pictures, I sang them a lullaby, I looked at their hands, feet their little ears and nose, they were perfect Angels.

The next morning I went home, we planned a beautiful service for them, at the end of the service we let pink and blue balloons go, a pink and blue balloon stuck in a tree and I knew they were together. 2 weeks later my husband and I were going to get a tattoo done of their foot prints, I have been praying to God please give me 1 sign that they are with you and safe, as we opened the door to leave 2 baby birds were on our doorstep looking up at us. That was my sign they were with God.
I just wish I could hold them one more time, I want to feel their skin, look at their feet and whisper in their ear I LOVE YOU.
Jackson Henry Joseph was named after my favourite Uncle that passed in January.
Jayden Lynn Marie was named after myself and my husband John.
I still cry every day, I miss them so much. God had a bigger plan for my son and daughter.
You can contact Jennifer at


Anonymous said...

I love you Jen, your husband John

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