Tuesday, November 30, 2010


Chelsea
Mom to Kallen Daniel Lowing
March 25th, 2009
Grand Rapids, Michigan

I was 18 years old. My fiancĂ©e Scott and I had just split up due to constant arguing. I was spending the weekend with my grandmother when I took my test and behold there were those 2 pink lines. I cried. I was so nervous about telling him. Thinking he would assume it was just a way of me trying to get him back. When I saw him that night, I showed him the test and he fell onto our bed to catch his breath. 

Audrey
Mama to Two tiny, tiny little angels
Baby Bird 1, Lost September 6th, 2009
Baby Bird 2, Lost August 24th, 2010
Ellijay, Georgia

I was first diagnosed with endometriosis three years ago after having a huge cyst rupture. I'd had the symptoms for years without even realizing it could be something else other than a really bad menstrual cycle.  I was told my chance of conceiving was about 7%, and that the disease progressed with time. I'd always wanted a big family, with several children, so I took the news hard. Luckily for me I was engaged to be married in a month, so my now husband and I decided to start trying right away. God blessed us with a healthy son nine months later.

Tami
Mama to Corinne Ellery McCurdy
Born February 4th, 2010
Gained her Wings February 18th, 2010
Jackson, New Jersey

My EDD was June 3, 2010 and my pregnancy was "progressing perfectly" according to my doctors. On February 1st, I couldn't keep anything down and figured that I had a stomach virus that was going around. My DH was just getting over a stomach virus and he teaches middle school so he was around a bunch of students that also had a strain of stomach virus. Being pregnant I monitored how I was feeling and noticed a very low fever. 

Sydney
Mom to Claire Sandra
Born and Passed lovingly on October 28th, 2010
Tempe, Arizona

Claire’s story begins in the Summer of 2008 when I was first diagnosed with PCOS. My husband and I knew that having a child would require a bit more planning for us then for the average couple. We decided to begin the process of trying to conceive in the spring of 2010. We did not expect that we would be lucky enough to find ourselves pregnant within three months of trying to conceive. Our quick conception was a blessing!

Saturday, November 27, 2010


Jessica
Mom to John Michael Brennan
Born still on September 29th, 2010
Carolina, Puerto Rico

Our story begins shortly after my husband; Mike and I were married in May 2009.  We knew we wanted to be parents soon so we started trying to conceive in October 2009. Shortly after the New Year came, we still were not pregnant. However, life changes for us started to surface. Mike was given an opportunity to relocate to Puerto Rico from California for a new position. He was traveling back and forth for those couple months and one week in February, we finally signed the papers. The very same week, I took a pregnancy test. The day after Valentines Day, I called Mike to tell him those very special words, “We’re pregnant!” We could not have been more excited for our future and the adventure we had before us.

Jenette
Mom to Anthony
Born March 9th, 2008
Died March 15th, 2008
Murrieta, California

My name is Jenette and I had severe Pre-e with elevated liver enzymes. Like many of you I didn't know I had symptoms until after I knew what Pre-e was. I remember 2-3 weeks before going to the hospital saying there was glitter in the sky at school. It literally looked like someone dumped glitter from the 2nd level. I'll try giving you the short story.

Heather
Mom to Brinley Nicole Moore
August 18th, 2010
Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

From the beginning I was scared of the little life inside of me. I didn't know what I would do with a baby. I didn't feel ready yet to be a mother. Of course I loved little kids but babies? Babies were a different kind of commitment. They completely rely on you for their comfort of living. It took me 8 months to be ready to have this new baby in my life. I was feeling ready to take care of her for the rest of my life. I looked forward to holding her, dressing her, feeding her, and playing with her. She was going to be a new chapter in my life that I was excited to start writing. 

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Story of HOPE


Melissa ~ Mother of
Luke born still on July 22, 2010
My son was stillborn on July 22,2010, at 17 weeks, most likely due to blood clots from a disorder that I was recently diagnosed with.  
After Luke’s death I channeled my grief by participating in the Wave of Light and made a video memorial.  I also have a memorial urn and a special necklace made with Luke’s hand/foot prints.  This way, I still have something to hold, talk to, and look at when I am thinking about him.  This also helps show other people that Luke was real, he was my son.  His death was just not just a ‘bad event’ in my life that I will get over eventually.  
My inspiration was like thunder (I knew I HAD to do something) and it grew from my inability to cope without Luke.  I don’t have him with me, I gathered the tangible things that reminded me of Luke and worked with that.   I also want to get  a tattoo of his footprints someday.  
It's hard to know that my body did this to him.  A little over 2 months after his death, my blood work came back showing I have MTHFR and Factor 5 Leiden blood clotting disorders and this is what must have caused Luke’s death.  This is a hard roadblock to get over because it just shows that his little body was perfect and he would have been fine if it wasn't for my body.  In my mind I know that I could not have known about this disorder, but I keep thinking if I did, he would still be alive.  
It is still early in my grief so I am not sure how what I am doing is affecting people.  My hope is that by showing everyone that he was real and that I will never forget him, perhaps this will inspire others to keep their child’s memory alive in some visible way.   I know that this journey of grief is a long one, but the things I'm doing to keep my son’s memory alive is helping him stay with me as much as possible.    
Some songs that help me are "Glory Baby" by Watermark and "Still" by Gerrit Hoffman.   Also, a quote that I would like to share is:   "Lord, I would have loved to hold my baby on my lap and tell him about you, but since I did not get a chance will you hold him on yours and tell him about me?"
Story of HOPE

Sara ~ Bereavement Facilitator
Reid James, Sept 25 2006
My son Reid was stillborn at 38 weeks due to an unknown cause.  After his death, I decided to channel my grief by becoming a grief and bereavement facilitator through Bereavement Ontario.  
When I lost Reid there was nothing close to me to utilize as a resource.  So I decided to become involved as a facilitator and found personal healing through helping others.
I hope to branch off into peri-natal and infant loss groups as time goes on.  
I feel as I do this that it validates Reid’s life.  His short life was not in vain and through it I have gone on to help others get by.  My inspiration evolved over time.  It took me a couple of years to decide I could actually do this, but I've known from early on how powerful it is to hear another woman’s story and share an experience.  It was my saving grace to be able to talk with others who knew exactly what I felt.
I am doing something that I never previously thought possible ~ public speaking.  Being a grief facilitator involves public speaking and hosting group sessions.  I am not a good speaker and often get very nervous. So, this should be interesting. 
I feel an overwhelming sense of strength from Reid to do this, maybe he'll get me through it.  I have not been thwarted by an inner critic, but I have had roadblocks to overcome.  First of all, the courses are expensive.  Secondly, I worry that when I am supposed to be the strong one, instead I will break down and cry.  

You can read more at  Reid's Memorial Page

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


Miranda
Miscarriage at 9 weeks on February 18th, 2006
Miscarriage at 6 weeks on September 12th, 2009
Kristopher Noble, Stillborn August 1st, 2010
Columbia, Tennessee

My husband and I had only been married four months when I found myself taking three pregnancy tests, unbelieving the little positive signs I kept seeing. Our plan had always been to wait about five years before we started a family, so this twist in our path was a complete surprise.

Lorrie
Mom to Baby Hooper
Lost July 27th, 2007
South Riding, Virginia

Never in a million years did I think I would have to tell this story-now I feel like it’s my time to let this all out of my heart.

Luci
Mom to Hope & Grace Klare
Born and Died June 23rd, 2009

We were only three months married when I saw the plus sign on the stick. It was joyful and frightening, but mostly pure elation.  Two months into our pregnancy we were at our first doctor's appointment and we were awe struck by the news...

Sunday, November 21, 2010


Michelle
Mommy to Liam Joseph
Born still on September 18th, 2010
Lancaster, PA

I have always wanted to be a mom. When we got married in 2006 my husband and I decided to wait until 2010 to have kids. We wanted our relationship to be strong before we added a child to the family. Since I started a new job late in 2009, we decided to wait a few more months so I would have full benefits when the baby was born.

Michelle
Mama to eight stars: 
January 2006,  April 2006
October 2006,  December 2006
December 2008,  June 2009
October 2009,  October 2010
Des Moines, Iowa

There are many things I was prepared to fail at in my life, but somehow, becoming a mother never made it onto that list. I had expectations; children were inevitable. Motherhood loomed in my future, a sure thing, something I could reach out and grab when the time was right.

Thursday, November 18, 2010


Jessica
Mom to Logan Timothy
May 16th, 2010 
5:27 p.m. - 6:40 p.m.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

My husband, Tim, and I were married in May of 2005.  Around our 4 year anniversary, we decided we were ready to start our family and assumed it would happen quickly – everyone on either side of our families seems very fertile.  Well, 9 very long months later, we FINALLY conceived our first child.  We were cautious, but SO excited.  I had horrible morning sickness practically all day every day from weeks 6 to 18, but was thrilled – everyone kept assuring us this meant a healthy baby.  At our 20-week ultrasound, we found out we were having a boy.  I have had a name picked out for a boy for a very long time and my husband was neutral on it, but immediately after the tech said “it’s a boy!,” I burst into tears and begged that we name him Logan.  How could my husband say no to his crying pregnant wife?!?!  We also found out that he appeared to be perfectly healthy.  We were thrilled and went off to Baby’s R Us that day to buy him his first outfit and a few books.  We also started our registry.  We finally felt “safe” and that we’d be bringing home our little boy at the beginning of September.
Story of HOPE
Kathleen ~ Author
Zachary Thomas: miscarried 1995, 
Joshua Caelan: miscarried at 6 weeks 8/98, 
Victoria Elizabeth Noel: miscarried at 6 weeks 12/98, 
Nicholas Sean: born still at 16 weeks, 12/5/2002
We have had three first trimester losses: our oldest son had a twin, and we lost two at 6 weeks when our son was three.  Our son Nicholas was stillborn at 4 months in December of 2002, due to a food born illness. 
I have written a book called Angels in My Heart: A Journey of Love and Loss (Father's Press, 2010).  It combines my own personal journey of loss with the common expriences shared by many bereaved parents.  My hope, in writing this book, is to reach out to other grieving parents and let them know they are not alone, to be the presence of a friend for those who have little support. 
The writing of my story has helped me to work through my own feelings of grief and loss, and if, by sharing my story with others, I am able to help comfort someone else on their journey, then my children will have had a purpose on this earth.  
The inspiration was definitely a whisper that grew louder over time.  The project began as a talk for the day of support that I offer.  As I wrote, I quickly realized there was so much more that needed to be said than I could put into a 20-30minute presentation, and a little voice began to say, "You should write a book."  The thought was ridiculous and overwhelming to a mother of three young sons, but five years later, the project is finished!  
I am doing something that I never previously thought possible ~ promoting myself as an author!  Not a path I ever saw myself on or something I ever aspired to be--but here I am!  
I received the following card from a woman I don't know, who had read my book:  "Thank you for you book Angels in My Heart, dealing with your many losses. It was very healing for me. I had a miscarriage 40 years ago and still remember telling people about the experience and hearing many unkind comments and lack of understanding even from the medical community.  The sense of sadness, loss and physical emptiness was often overwhelming. Our 30 year old daughter had a miscarriage last December after six months of marriage.  She heard many of the same comments. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts and feelings with such honesty."
To order Kathleen's book please visit  

Tuesday, November 16, 2010


Carrie
Mom to Elena Rebekah
Born and Died August 1st, 2002

The following is a blog entry that I wrote on what would have been Elena's third birthday.

Katie
Mom to "Sprout"
Lost on September 22nd, 1993
Columbus, Ohio

I was 18 years old in summer of 1993, soon to be heading away to college on a scholarship. I had broken up with my long-time boyfriend that spring and began dating someone new and fun, a summer fling expected to run its course by autumn.

Monday, November 15, 2010


Laci
Mom to Grace Ann, Stillborn August 27th, 2008
and Olivia Thay, August 28th, 2008 - October 4th, 2008
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

After struggling for three years to have a baby, my husband and I turned to in-vitro fertilization (IVF).  It was our only chance at this and since I was told my egg quality wasn't really that good, my fertility doctor transferred three eggs and gave me a 60% chance of having one baby. Two weeks later I had my blood test. I was pregnant. With very high HCG levels. Possibly more than one baby. Two weeks later was the ultrasound. Triplets. We were shocked but really excited. I always wanted multiples. 

Debbie
Mother of Penelope Grace, Griffin James, and Rosalie May
Born November 17th, 2009
Somerville, MA

My husband, Brendan and I met when we were in high school.  We dated through college and got married in October of 2006.  The following December we decided it was time to expand our family of 2.  After a year of trying on our own, we turned to fertility treatments.  We were prepared for this because I was diagnosed with PCOS at age 23.  After a few cycles, we hit the jackpot!  There were 4 sacs, but only 3 had heartbeats.  We were pregnant with triplets!

Monthly Writing Challenge


Encourage. Inspire. Connect.

Have a blog? Each month we’ll have a creative topic for you to write about on it. Once you’ve written your post (or found an older post that fits the topic), you’ll be able add your link below and read others who have submitted as well.

November’s topic: It’s easy to focus on all the negative things that come from losing a baby, but have you discovered any ‘blessings in disguise’ throughout your journey? What can you find to be thankful for related to your loss?

Don’t have a blog yet, but want to participate in the challenge? Click here for simple instructions on how to start a blog (it’s really easy!)

To submit your blog post, follow the instructions below.

1.  Scroll down and click on the 'click here to enter' link at the bottom of this post.
2.  Please make sure the post is about the topic for this month. It can be a blog post that you wrote a month ago or more recently.
3.  Use YOUR blog post.
4.  When linking up, only link to your November topic blog post, not your main blog URL. (incorrect links may be deleted.)
5.  Visit other participants and leave comments.  This is a great way to meet other babyloss mamas!

This Linky Tool will be kept open until December 20th. So please submit before that date!


 


Angela
Miscarried on January 16th, 2005 at 11 weeks after infertility due to PCOS
West Jefferson, North Carolina

My husband and I were high school sweethearts and were married in July 2000.  After a year of marriage we decided to go off birth control and try for a baby.  We were not discouraged when it did not happen immediately.  We were busy with our careers and enjoying life as husband and wife.  

Friday, November 12, 2010


Debbie
Mom to four angels
Baby Bennett 1, November 2008, 11 weeks
Baby Bennett 2, October 2009, 5 weeks
Baby Bennett 3, May 2010, 8 weeks
Baby Bennett 4, October 2010, 5 weeks
Hinsdale, New Hampshire

My husband and I had been trying to conceive for sixteen months when we finally got that first positive pregnancy test in early September, 2008.  We knew that starting in my late 30s, it might take a year or longer to conceive, but when the moment finally arrived all the waiting was worth it.  The whole family was elated, as this would be the first grandchild.  Over the next couple of months, we started planning for and dreaming about our new little one.  As we approached the 12 week milestone, we looked forward to a first glimpse of our precious child on ultrasound.  I was relieved that we were almost to the point where miscarriage risk goes down, although I wasn't really worried.  The second trimester!  I was so excited to know that soon I would be showing.  But it was not to be.

Thursday, November 11, 2010


Danielle
Mom to Zachary Jonathan
Left on October 28th, 2010 at 21 weeks, 6 days gestation
Maryland

On Friday, October 8th, My boyfriend Jon and I went for our first ultrasound appointment. We had just gone to my regular OB for the second pre-natal visit. We listened to our baby’s heartbeat; it was perfectly healthy. Because I found out very late that I was pregnant, this was only the beginning for us. I had been on birth control and did not expect to become pregnant, so I had not been taking vitamins or trying to get myself into “baby-making” shape. But of course once I found out I began right away and got the first appointment available to make sure everything was going well.
Story of HOPE


Jessica ~ Artist 
Riley - Miscarried 2/11/10  
Peyton - Miscarried 8/19/10
Riley was a missed miscarriage at 6 weeks and Peyton was a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks.  In order to work through my grief I began creating art to help others remember their angels.  It has helped me see my children all around me.  Seeing their names brings them further into my life.  This has helped me to process my grief and to understand that hiding my feelings was never going to help me. 
My journey through grief was just that . . . a journey.  Creating art helped to calm me and to learn to live with the sadness in a healthy way.  Each time I create a piece for my angels I feel closer to them and it calms me to think that, as I create art for others to remember their angels, it may help them feel closer to their angels.  
My inspiration came slowly as I realized ~ while reading other women's blogs ~ that mothers LOVED to see their babies names.  There were pictures all over their blogs of creative ways that other baby loss mommas wrote their child’s name(s). So with that in mind and the fact that doves remind me of my angels I created "Heaven's Doves" as a free memorial site for moms to request pictures for their babies.  While this is simplistic in nature it is a pretty reminder that our children are above us, watching us, free from all pain and full of love!  More recently, I created a store called "Too Beautiful for Earth: Memorial Art."  It contains art for those that have lost a child.  I have a variety of custom items.  My goal is to help bring peace to others' lives through their loss in whatever way that I can whether it be a free dove, picture or artwork.  
I never thought that I would be so outward about my loss.  While I am not a quiet person  by nature ~ miscarriage is a touchy subject.  When I lost Riley I was not so vocal about it, but when I lost Peyton it was like I started grieving both of them.  I was doubly filled with pain and after realizing so many other women had blogs about their journey I started blogging away.  I never would have thought I could freely be so honest about my feelings.  I never thought I would meet so many wonderful women.  I never thought that I would start creating art for people that had lost their children.
So far my inner critic has stayed quiet for the most part.  But I am sure ‘she’ will come out and play soon enough.  I am a perfectionist.  I am my own worst critic.  For now, my critic is happy to watch me make art for others :)  
I also supports others in grief and create artwork for others through a pen pal program that I am a part of.   I have made and sent a variety of things like artistic cards, pins and bracelets.  I receive such beautiful reactions from every person about how it means so much to them to have their child's name honored and for me to be so thoughtful.  I hope that I can continue to bring these feelings into others lives.  I myself have gone from no reminders of my babies to a lot of jewelry, plaques I painted, and soon to be framed sonograms.  I want to be surrounded by my babies because they are my only children and I will speak of them and love them as long as I live.  They will always be my children.
I have been impacted by every blog I have ever read.  It is sad that there are so many.  I follow a lot of blogs and have been touched by all of these women.  Reading their journey has truly helped me on my long road of grief.  I read one story of a woman who decided to name the baby that was miscarried too early to know its gender.  This baby was real, and by naming it ~ it helped her connect to her child.  This impacted me greatly as we also had not named our children as we did not know their sex.  So I got to thinking we should choose unisex names and give our children a more concrete space in our lives.   
I am trying to pay forward the support and inspiration I have received by creating doves for others and being as honest as I can be through my journey of grief.  We all feel so alone through our loss and I want to make it clear to women that they are NOT alone!
Two quotes that I would like to share that help me is:

"Grief cannot be hurried. It cannot be forced. It doesn't go away just because the rest of the world thinks there is a certain number of days to finish it up or because tears at odd junctures are unsettling. Grief has its own timeline, its own rhythm."  & "I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy." - John 16:2

**************Giveaway**************

Giveaway: Please click on the link below for Too Beautiful for Earth and leave a comment.  The winner will receive a customized angel plaque! 

You can read more about Jessica's story on Faces and also on her blogs:   
Too Beautiful for Earth

Story of HOPE


Melissa ~ Angel Bracelets
Baby Montanez 12/05/09
After trying for a year to get pregnant, I was overjoyed to see those double lines in the fall of 2009.  Unfortunately, it was not meant to be: after several ultrasounds, blood work, and waiting, it was confirmed that we had a missed miscarriage in December of 2009.  Since my body wasn't taking care of it, I took medication to force my body to expel the baby on December 5th, 2009.  I was at a loss after this happened, as I never thought it could happen to me (that's what everyone says, right?).  
I had been taking classes to start my own business and had been planning to start a maternity shop.  That was no longer emotionally possible, and also I felt that there were already so many options and resources for pregnant women.  I was surprised at the lack of options for women who'd experienced a loss.  So I decided to start a website and business that would benefit those women.  Angel Bracelets is a company that I created in honor of my own angel baby, and I feel that the comfort we're bringing to others honors him/her in some way. 
At Angel Bracelets, we donate $2 for every item that we sell to pregnancy and infant loss organizations.  Not only do we give women a way to remember their babies forever, but at the same time, we provide them the opportunity to help others with the donation that we make for their purchase.  It has made me feel like we are really doing something to help organizations that may otherwise tend to fly under the radar.  And through those organizations, we are supporting the hundreds of thousands of women and families that experience pregnancy and infant loss every year.  
We are pretty new, so we're still working on getting the word out about Angel Bracelets.  Hearing the feedback from women who have purchased the bracelets makes it all feel worthwhile though.  That we seem to bring some measure of happiness to them through our bracelets and website makes me feel that Angel Bracelets is really making a difference.  For me, that's what it is all about.  
My inspiration was like thunder!  I did experience a few days of feeling lost - I didn't want to do the maternity shop business anymore, but I wanted to do SOMETHING.  And I wanted it to be something meaningful.  I was taking a business class around the time of my miscarriage, and one of the guest speakers was working to memorialize soldiers who have been lost to the recent wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.  He was selling dog tags and other memorial items, and donating part of the proceeds to Goldstar Moms and other military support organizations.  I thought, something like that needs to be done for lost babies!  
I always felt confident that I could run a company, but I never thought that it would be a company related to pregnancy and infant loss.  That is the most unexpected part for me.  But it's also the best part, because I'm not just running a business, I'm actually doing something to help people who need it, and organizations that don't always get a lot of support.  
It can be tough starting and running one's own company.  Things tend to be slow at first, and I'm sometimes left wondering if this thing will ever take off the way that I hope it will, and if it will ever pay for itself.  There's also a lot of tasks to do, and there isn't anyone else to rely on for doing them - it's all me!  I'm determined to stick with it though, and really give it a chance to work.  What keeps me going is the feedback that I hear from my customers about how what the bracelets mean to them.

The photo above is of one of our silver bracelets.  The message on it says:  Though we never met face to face, you will not be forgotten.  I was thinking of my own angel baby when I wrote it.

Melissa's amazing jewelry can be found at Angel Bracelets!

Story of HOPE

Melinda ~ Social Network 
Support for Loss
Angel Baby - Due January 28, 2011
I suffered a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks.  And in order to work through my grief, I created a support group on Facebook.  It has helped, by allowing me to express my feelings and to know that I am not alone.
I am able to help, comfort and support other who have been through loss.  I am spreading the word, that we should not be ashamed of speaking out about our losses.  
I have been inspired to do this because I felt that there was not enough support for men and women like me.  I didn't think I would have the strength to do this, but i do... we all do...we are survivors.  I get many thanks from women who have been through loss.  They thank me because my page has helped them to grieve, helped them to express their feelings.  

To read more about Melinda's story you can go to Faces and her Facebook support page. 


Wednesday, November 10, 2010


Mary
Mom to Addison Breann
Born still on August 27, 2010
Berryville, Virginia
 
Our story really begins several years ago. My (then) boyfriend and I had been together for 3years when I was involved in a head-on collision with a tractor trailer. Even today, I thank my lucky stars to have only sustained orthopedic injuries. Yes, they were painful, even permanently disabling, but it could’ve been so much worse; after all, I’m still alive. It was during the many months of recovery that followed that I had my “epiphany.” Patrick stood by my side, unfailing in his loyalty, through it all. He was there to help me when I couldn’t help myself; he was there for me when I needed him the most.Prior to this point in our lives, I knew I loved him, but it wasn’t until I saw the sacrifices he made for me that I realized just how much I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Exactly one year after the accident, on June 3, 2006, I proudly walked down the aisle to marry my best friend.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010


Amber
Mom to Eli David Roseberry
Stillborn on June 17th, 2010
Olive Hill, Kentucky

The whole day on Wednesday, June 16th, Eli made little movement. I wasn't too concerned because I was 36 weeks pregnant with my second baby and this was the first time I had made it this far, I thought this was "normal" for this gestation. At 10:45 that night I felt him push his little butt up against the right side of my ribs. I assumed everything was alright even though I couldn't hear his heartbeat with the doppler (it picked up too much static). At that point I decided to take a shower and go to bed. At 11pm while going to the bathroom, I felt a pop and assumed my water had broken. When I looked down I was gushing blood and I knew something was wrong.

Pam
Mommy to Gavin James
Born and became an Angel on March 24th, 2008
Dallas, Texas

I have always heard you never experience a greater love for another human being until you experience the feeling of carrying a child inside of you. In my case, that joy was great but the grief that came all too soon overshadowed any joy I had. 
Related Posts with Thumbnails